Have you ever heard of self-sabotage? Of course, but don’t know what it is? Do you know that your life is not going the way you want it to, and you strongly believe that you are self-sabotaging without understanding how to free yourself from it?
Then I have good news and bad news.
- The bad news is that self-sabotage can indeed destroy your dreams and aspirations.
- The good news is that here you are in the right place to overcome self-sabotage!
This article will provide you with all the keys to understanding and overcoming self-sabotage in 4 steps. Say goodbye to your self-sabotaging patterns and get ready to change your life and live an extraordinary life finally!
Are you really overcoming self-sabotage?
From the bottom of your heart, most of you wish to change your life. We all want to live an extraordinary life; we all have a more or less precise idea of our dream life. And we would all like to change our lives, improve certain aspects of our lives and live a better life in different areas of our lives.
It could be:
- Finding a dream job well paid, easy, enjoyable, exciting, and all that with great colleagues and a dream boss.
- Becoming an entrepreneur and offering the world what it needs through your business and enjoying the freedom that entrepreneurship offers
- Find and live from your passion
- Travel and see the world
- Live a financially comfortable life and not have to worry about tomorrow
- Find true love, create a fulfilling family, and live happily ever after
- Contribute to the world and help others
- And so on.
We know that there are better things we would really like better, but without really understanding why we can’t do it, we can’t change our life. We can’t reach all these beautiful things we dream of.
The reason for self-sabotage
In 90% of the cases, the reason is yourself!
The reason is self-sabotage and your tendency to self-sabotage!
In this article, I will explain how to overcome self-sabotage and stop self-sabotaging to finally change your life!
To give you some examples of self-sabotage:
Has it ever happened to you that you have a significant project or job due, allowing you to grow emotionally, psychologically, and personally? However, do you let this project drag on until the last minute because you prefer to hang out on social networks without a specific goal or watch a series?
Have you ever known that you had to get up at a particular time to get to a crucial meeting, and you still hit the snooze button, and you arrived late, wasting this golden opportunity?
How to overcome self-sabotage
first, what is self-sabotage?
I’ve often heard and read this phrase: “Self-sabotage is like saying your worst enemy is yourself…”
And I can’t entirely agree with this negative view of self-sabotage.
I think we all move forward with a positive goal for ourselves. We all want the best for ourselves. Whether that is:
- Changing our life completely
- Change your life partially
- Improve your life
- Or alter certain aspects of our life.
But sometimes, our fears, thoughts, and beliefs fail us and end up playing tricks on us.
So I would instead compare self-sabotage to your grandmother, grandpa, grandma, or grandpa.
This human being loves you unconditionally and from the bottom of his heart and only wants you to do good. Too much good even. Worried when, as a child, you played climbing trees for fear you would get hurt. Nervous when you were running on the road, etc.
Self-sabotage is self-protection that wants to protect you from possible injuries and possible failures.
The metaphor between grandparents and self-sabotage has its limits, of course. It is only to understand that you should not see self-sabotage as an enemy.
Self-sabotage is a friend who wants to make you sound too good. You will have to explain to this friend, the self-sabotage, that his fears, beliefs, and thoughts are now unfounded.
Examples of self-sabotage
Thoughts and emotions – sabotaging yourself by thinking evil thoughts about yourself by undertaking limiting or negative beliefs.
Example: I suck anyway; there’s no point in me trying. I’ll fail. I don’t have enough money to do it.
Behaviors/attitudes – not doing the right things that would allow you to achieve success.
Example: I want this job, but I forget to send my application for job interviews.
Situations – the art of putting yourself in terrible situations
Example: I have to get to this appointment on time, but I hit a traffic jam and got stuck in it for hours. Or I have to catch a plane, but my alarm clock doesn’t go off.
Habits – maintaining habits that prevent you from achieving a goal.
Example: You want to be an entrepreneur, but you keep going out for drinks after your food job instead of coming home to work on your business.
As you can see, self-sabotage is :
Thoughts, emotions, behaviors, habits, and unconscious situations that we will put in place to prevent us from reaching a goal that we want. Even if this objective or dream, we want to get it from the bottom of our hearts.
It is a behavior that leads us straight to failure without realizing it.
And this is most twisted in these self-sabotage patterns. Self-sabotage is unconscious. We don’t see it, we don’t feel it, and we don’t realize that we are setting up these patterns in our lives!
Besides, you can be right now in your life, self-sabotaging without even realizing it!
How to realize that you are self-sabotaging?
There are two ways to realize that you are self-sabotaging:
Someone around you tells you to trust yourself (even if those around you know this notion and dare to say it to you, and you listen to this person).
You work on yourself and your personal development to dig deep inside yourself to finally detect your patterns and free yourself from them afterward. But, unfortunately, you can sabotage many areas and elements in your life:
- Their love relationship or family life – I constantly create conflicts for nothing. I cheat on my partner.
Their work, professional life, studies – I forget necessary appointments. I arrive late. I get into trouble with my boss, etc.
- Their health – I have a stomach ache all the time, but I keep eating sweets, I am overweight, and I don’t feel like doing sports.
- Her future and future life – I have many goals and ambitions, but I always give up once I’m almost there. I start everything but finish nothing.
- Dreams and aspirations – I have goals but do nothing to achieve them. I talk about them but don’t act on them, make to-do lists, but the next day, I forget everything and go on with my life, which doesn’t satisfy me.
- Finances – I always spend more than I can afford at the beginning of the month and always end up in the red at the end of the month
What is the mechanism of self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is not just “you stopping yourself from achieving a goal for no reason.” In reality, self-sabotage has an origin. Finding this origin is one of the essential steps that will allow you to get out of this pattern and free yourself from self-sabotage.
For you to understand how self-sabotage works and why you are self-sabotaging today, imagine a 6-story pyramid that starts at the base:
How to overcome self-sabotage
In your past, the different stages of your life, you have wounds and traumas from the past.
These thoughts and beliefs create your fears, your level of self-confidence, and your lack of self-esteem.
It creates the self-sabotaging patterns that are present in your life today.
A little patience. Because later in this article, I will reveal how to free yourself from these patterns, but first
How to detect our self-sabotaging patterns?
How do you know if you are self-sabotaging right now?
It’s pretty simple to find out. Answer the following questions as honestly as possible:
Is your life worthy of the life of your dreams?
Do you find that you are moving towards the life of your dreams?
Do you see yourself moving closer to your dream life every day?
If the answer is no, it means that you are self-sabotaging.
Because in reality, even if it seems absurd right now, you are capable of accomplishing anything in your life. Everything is possible. And your one and the only limit is yourself (your thoughts, beliefs, and fears). This famous barrier of self-sabotage prevents you from seeing the unlimited potential that will guide you to the life of your dreams.
How does self-sabotage manifest itself?
Self-sabotage can take so many different forms in each of us. Obviously, we think that our self-sabotaging behaviors are not harmful at first. We mean well; we just want to protect ourselves. But our fears, beliefs, and thoughts too often fail us.
Here are some typical self-sabotaging behaviors:
Perfectionism – wanting everything to be perfect all the time. Don’t move forward because this or that project is not perfect. This behavior blocks you and prevents you from moving forward.
Procrastination – you do everything but what you need to do to reach that goal. Without understanding the real reason, you keep putting off tasks until later. Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, etc., leading you straight to the final failure.
Addiction – to others, to someone, or to a substance
Never finish what you start
Negative and destructive behaviors
Complicating life when it could be simple
In short, any behavior that keeps you from achieving your goal, your dream, or the life you really want is self-sabotage. Even if the cause seems logical and plausible today, I assure you that if you look a little further, it is not, and it is only self-sabotage.
How to overcome self-sabotage? My 4-step method
Now let’s get to the heart of the matter. How to free yourself from self-sabotage?
How to say STOP to your “inner enemy” so that you can finally become your best friend.
A trusted partner with whom you can move forward hand in hand, in harmony, and in the same direction. That of the life of your dreams!
To stop self-sabotaging, you must first analyze, target, and understand why you are self-sabotaging.
Step 1: Identify the self-sabotaging situations.
The first step is to identify the situations where you self-sabotage. This can be in love, at work, in social relationships, in dreams, etc.
Step 2: Identify self-sabotaging behaviors.
This step consists of identifying your self-sabotaging behaviors. For example, I create unnecessary conflicts, give up before the end, have this terrible habit that I always maintain, etc.
Step 3 – Find you “I want to… but…”
For each situation where you are self-sabotaging, find the reason that drives you to achieve a goal and the other that keeps you from achieving it.
Example: I want to find love, but I’m afraid of being rejected and that this person will eventually abandon me
Step 4 – Unblock
By now, you have realized:
That you are self-sabotaging
In what situations
At this stage, you must unblock these harmful patterns that prevent you from living the life of your dreams, the life you REALLY deserve!
Closing the Self-Sabotage Circle
Practicing these four steps above regularly, especially the last point, is essential to cut the ground from under the self-sabotage.
It will take some time for people who procrastinate before you act more aligned with your intentions without those self-sabotaging mechanisms. So keep moving forward on this path, even if you fail from time to time.
What you need to do today is to start being more aware of your thoughts and actions day by day, using the methods I have shared in this article. Soon you will find your behavior more in line with your deepest desires and less self-defeating.